Father Steve Anderson was ordained in 2003. He is the first married priest in the Diocese of Lansing. Previously, he was a priest in the Charismatic Episcopal Church. He and Cindy have been married 34 years, and have three sons – Christian, 15, Steven, 18, and Austin, 28, who is married and has two sons. Father Steve is the pastor of Holy Redeemer Catholic Church in Burton.

Does being a priest and having a family impose a time crunch on you?

Everyone these days has a time crunch. When I worked for Office Depot twenty years ago, I had less time with my family than I do now. I am in the same position that Protestant pastors are, most of whom are married. Life is a challenge, but it is doable. I try to do the best I can as a pastor and as a father and husband. My position is a double blessing, both getting to be a priest and seeing the smiling face of my wife and sons when I get home, which refreshes me.

How do your children feel about you being a priest?

Christian, our youngest, says it seems normal, like having any job, and that mine just happens to be as CEO of the parish. Of course, I’ve been a priest since he was born. For Austin, it was a bit more of an adjustment.

Cindy, are you involved much in ministry at the church?

I’ve found my gift of ministry in music. While at Good Shepherd in Montrose, I was blessed to be their youth minister when asked, and also helped lead music. I’ve played guitar and sang in the music group at the parishes where we have been, and I lead contemporary Christian songs for religious education in our middle school.

But I am the typical soccer mom. We have always encouraged our boys to get involved in what interests them. We want to empower them to develop the gifts God has given them, which requires getting them to the different activities. That reduces our number of sit-down dinners together, but it also can lead to increased communication time in the car.

What would you say kids need the most?

Father Steve: Number one is Jesus. The world has lost a sense of the sacred, so kids need to become believers. Everything we do as parents should point them to Jesus.

Cindy: Next, we need to love them in a way that they know they are loved. They are looking for our support of what they are involved in, which is why I assist driving them to events. One son told me the other day, “You really go out of your way to help me.” They also need faith formation and prayer. As their mom, this is my parenting role, and was primarily my job when they were little. They especially liked getting a blessing from me at bedtime.

Father Steve: Yes. If I was the one blessing them at night, they would tell me they didn’t want my blessing; they wanted Mom’s.

Once when I asked God what to do with one of our children during a difficult time, he said, “Love him.” I had him start sitting on my lap a lot when we were doing things. That helped our bonding. Kids need love, but they also need clear rules, and consequences that fit the rules when broken.

Parents have more power in this area than they think they do.

For example, parents ask me how to get their children to clean their room or do homework. Simple. I tell them that children don’t like pain and will avoid it. If they consider homework and chores painful, they will avoid them. But if Johnny loves to ride his motor scooter, Mom can hang the scooter key around her neck until the work is done. Along with that, of course, Dad needs to make sure the kids are doing their work and are respecting their mother.

How about rules for the parents?

Father Steve: The number one rule for parents is to be humble. No parent is perfect because babies don’t come with a manual. We constantly ask God, ‘How do I do this’ We want our kids to walk in the faith. So if we teach the faith at home, we have hope, not just wishful thinking that they will not stray when they leave home.

Many parents give their children the choice whether to continue to go to Mass after they are confirmed. I don’t think that’s a good idea. They don’t have a choice of dropping out of school at that age. It is our responsibility to take them to church and to have them actively participate.

Cindy, do you have strategy sessions with your husband regarding the children?

At times, we will discuss what’s going on with them so we are up to date and on the same page. That serves also as a safeguard from them playing one of us against the other. They feel good and safe when they see we are committed to God, to one another and to them.

Does it help in dealing with parents and kids in the parish to be parents yourself?

Father Steve: You learn a lot being a parent, especially that all kids are not alike. But the fact that I’m a parent doesn’t automatically make me an expert on parenting. A celibate priest can have more gifts in the area than someone married with several children.

How does parenting extend into the youth program at Holy Redeemer?

We have many parents that don’t come to church themselves, but will drop off their kids at our program, so we try to connect them all to Jesus, just as we do with our three boys. We give them the Church, a rock to stand on, stability.

They say that every youth needs 10 positive human influences, be it parents, teachers, grandparents, coaches, etc. They don’t always get that, so we try to provide some of it. We take our youth program seriously, invest in it, and have a full-time youth minister. The kids are looking for answers, meaning, substance. When we take them to conferences at Steubenville in the summer, their favorite part is eucharistic adoration. We also provide pizza and fun since they like that, too.

Parenting is not easy. We need to care, to be open and to be thinking. Children don’t want us to be mainly a friend. They are looking for parents – parents who care, are real, and who love them.