Then, Heidemann had two more miscarriages, and she began to doubt that she and her husband Frederic would be able to have more children.

“It felt like this mountain was getting bigger and bigger,” she said. “Your mental state gets pretty bleak.” 

During this time of grief, Heidemann began seeing a Catholic doctor and figuring out health issues. The couple also began the adoption process, and adopted a two-year-old girl from Bulgaria. That was a miracle itself, Heidemann said. The couple now have five daughters.

While common, miscarriage, still birth, and infant loss can often be uncomfortable subjects, even within the pro-life world. Statistics reveal that one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage before 20 weeks, and one in 160 pregnancies ends in stillbirth. 

Up until this point, Heidemann had found community and grief resources online, but she longed for deeper, more personal help. 

“There’s something powerful about being in the same room with women and talking, having conversations, rather than just reading a blog post,” she said. 

After connecting with the Diocese of Lansing for resources to help work through her losses, Heidemann learned of the Revival Retreat, a weekend of healing and hope facilitated by the diocesan chapter of Red Bird Ministries. The retreats are for mothers grieving miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss. The Revival Retreat is made possible in part by direct support of the Diocesan Services Appeal (DSA), which provides funds for every aspect of the retreat, speakers, venue, planning, and more. The Diocese of Lansing covers some costs to keep fees lower for retreatants.

Red Bird Ministries is “a Catholic, pro-life/pro-family grief support ministry that focuses on bereaved families who have experienced child loss of any age and circumstance, including pregnancy loss through miscarriage and stillbirth, and after birth as an infant, child, ​​adolescent, or adult.” 

Emma Rose Fisher, family and life ministries coordinator for the diocese and chapter advocate for Red Bird Ministries, said the diocese is working to expand outreach to grieving families, especially those suffering the loss of older children and losses to suicide.

“When we open our arms to comfort and care for them, this is a type of evangelization,” she said. “We’re administering the works of mercy.” 

Heidemann attended the Revival Retreat in October 2024 at the De Sales Center in Brooklyn, Michigan, and was more than a little nervous.

“You’re going somewhere for a weekend and you’re going to talk about the most painful thing in your life,” Heidemann said. “But I knew it was going to bring healing and community with other moms of loss.”

One of the first things Heidemann encountered on the retreat was a letter from Bishop Earl Boyea to each woman, “that he was praying for us, that he wants healing for us,” she said. 

What stood out further was that this was not a secular grief ministry, but one rooted in the sacraments and delivered through a faith-based lens. Paired with the trained staff of Red Bird Ministries, the retreat offered adoration, confession, counseling, Mass, spiritual direction, and more. 

“Not only was it to address the grief of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss,” Heidemann said. “It was also to bring us closer to Jesus.” 

Fisher said the opportunities for guided reflections and quiet time are essential for many retreatants’ healing journeys. 

“So many of our women share with us that they weren’t convinced they needed to talk about the loss of their baby, that they were doing fine,” she said. “These same women tell us their lives were changed when they encountered Christ on retreat in the midst of their grief.”

The communal aspect — bonding with other women who have suffered similar experiences — was profound for Heidemann. And while healing is ongoing, taking that first step past mere shallow survival was crucial. 

“I came away realizing that just surviving is not what the Lord wants for me,” Heidemann said. “He wants a real healing for me. He doesn’t want me to just make it through each day.” 

Heidemann said she encourages other grieving mothers to attend a retreat and find healing through hope, community, and enriched faith. 

“I know it seems really scary and it’s normal to be nervous before going on a retreat like this,” she said. “But your future self will thank you. You are not alone. The Lord will help you carry your cross.”