A surgery professor died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?" "Yes," the professor answered. "When I was an intern at Saint Lucas Hospital, we played soccer against the Community Hospital team, and I scored the winning goal. The referee didn't see that it was off-side and I didn't tell him. I regret that now." "Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. Come in." "Thank you, Saint Peter," the professor answered. "Oh, I'm not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He's at lunch. I'm Saint Lucas."

Dear Father Joe:
I keep quiet about things going on in my life because everything I say getst spread around. What should I do?

This is a tough one. As a general rule, we seem to be losing our sense of honor as a society. We are way too quick to spread what we hear. One of the worst things we have stumbled upon in this society is what we call "just venting," which is usually our excuse to break a confidence.

What should you do? Well, your options are limited here because we cannot control other people. The only thing you can control in your life is what you share, not what people do with it, so let's take a look at what you share.

Think of it like this Æ everything about you is a treasure. God made you in His own image and likeness. The thoughts of your mind and the feelings of your heart Æ all of these things are precious treasures that are God's gift to you and your gift to God. Be careful with these treasures. Treat them gently. Don't share them with people who are not trustworthy.

Try to remember that great bit of secular advice Æ "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Now, on the other side of the coin, remember that a treasure locked up in a closet is no good to anyone Æ this is why we display artwork in museums. When you or I share some of the treasure that is ourselves with other people, they are elevated. They are made more whole, because you have shared God's gift with them.

So what do you do? Share your heart and mind only with people who are trustworthy. The right people will come along soon; just hang in there.

When should you confront someone with the truth?

Tough one here, that is for sure.

Let's begin with the premise that we often hesitate to speak the truth for two reasons. One, because we are afraid of hurting someone and two, because we are afraid of being hypocritical.

Let's look at the idea that we are afraid of hurting someone. Look at this quote from Cardinal Ratzinger, "Ultimately, the truth is pastoral."

What does that mean? Look at John 14:6. In it, Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and the life." Remember, truth is a person, Jesus Christ, so we treat the truth with reverence and respect. When we slander someone, or use the truth to gain power for ourselves, we have violated the commandment against taking God's name in vain.

So, when you and I speak the truth in love, we are invoking Jesus. We always want to make sure that we speak the truth in a way that honors God.

What about being hypocritical? Remember this, if we were allowed only to speak on what we "have down," then we would never speak. We are hypocrites, not when we speak against behavior that we engage in and don't like, but when we speak as if we don't have the same problems. A hypocrite is someone who pretends he or she has it "together" and speaks in order to further that myth.

Let's not wait until people's pattern of behavior is so destructive that they are at death's door or at the bottom of the barrel. Let's speak the truth in love when it will help them and elevate them. Let's purify our hearts and motives and always be ready to live in the truth.

When does sharing information become gossip?

Such a great, practical question! I think there is a fine line here and crossing it is easier than we think. Let me give you two basic rules and let's see if that helps.

Rule number one: If someone approaches you with some information, or if you are ready to share some, ask yourself the question, "Why am I sharing this?" Or ask the person talking, "Why are you telling me this?" If the answer is anything other than life-giving and helpful, then you are engaging in gossip. That question is so powerful that it knocks the darkness into the light and anything that shouldn't be there is exposed for the sin it is. Try this one Æ it can really hurt. The good kind of hurt, that is.

Rule number two: "Venting" is a term we have come up with to justify gossip. If our answer to the question, "Why are you telling me this?" is "venting," then we probably have gossiped. I would like to see us adopt the mind-set that we would rather suffer from holding something in than risk gossiping and hurting another. Obviously, spouses are excluded from this rule.

So, we have come to the end of another great journey into the land of questions and answers!

Enjoy another day in God's presence!

Originally Published: November 2004