September 2006
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Oh, Brother!
How Ben Creger's Big Brother, Rod
Pender, changed Ben's life
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Jim
Luning
 I
love my mom and I’m not one to hold grudges. I see
her every now and then. Lately, she’s been pretty excited
about my graduation, so she’s been calling my grandma about
that. She says she’s off the drugs now and I believe her.
I don’t hold grudges against anyone, but if I had to choose
again, I’d still live with my grandma; ’cause I know
what my mom was going through, wrapped up in drugs and stuff. I
wouldn’t want to put myself through living with a person like
that. I’m OK with her leaving.
I don’t remember much about my childhood. Mostly
what I know is from what my grandma tells me. I never knew my father.
My mom left when I was little. And when my grandma adopted me and
my sister, my grandpa divorced her. I could never really count on
anyone besides my grandma.
 My
grandma tells me I used to play outside for hours throwing a ball
up and catching it all by myself. I’m a pretty shy
person, so I didn’t make friends easily. I don’t know
why she called Big Brothers Big Sisters for me; she’s a very
proud person who doesn’t take charity. But I’m glad
she did.
When Rod came into the picture, I was in third grade, and I guess
I was pretty annoying. A little while ago, Rod told me
I started every sentence by saying “Hey, you know what?”
and I wanted to play games every time we went anywhere in the car.
To this day we still can’t agree on the place we went the
day we met. The real story is we met at my house and then
he took me to McDonald’s. He says we went to Wendy’s.
Regardless of the place we went together, I am thankful for the
role Rod Pender has played in my life. He has made a real difference.
Most relationships with Big Brothers/Big Sisters last only for a
year. But the relationship I’ve had with Rod has
been exciting and challenging for the eight-plus years we’ve
been together. He has helped me in many ways and given me opportunities
I would not have had if we had not been introduced.
One thing I truly appreciate is that Rod can take the worst situation
and make it exciting. There’s always a life lesson
to be learned. For example, my senior year of football we only won
one game. But Rod encouraged me and told me these are the best years
of my life. He was right! Even though we lost eight games, football
was the most fun I’ve had during my high-school years. Rod
came to about 90 percent of my games. He was proud of me and didn’t
hesitate to let me know.
 I
am a more confident person since I began doing things with Rod.
He has given and entrusted me with opportunities to grow. Rod has
his own businesses, and I have learned many things from his entrepreneurship.
I help him renovate houses for his real estate business. This winter,
I drove his snow plow for another of his businesses. I even take
care of his son, Jarod.
Rod and his wife, Karen, saw that people in my family have never
gone to college. They want me to strive for the best I
can be. I know that means I need to get an education that will push
me toward my goals. They’ve helped me set goals for college,
find the colleges that would suit me best and visit them. If they
didn’t push me to look for financial aid and scholarships,
I wouldn’t do this stuff. But I know it’s worth it.
My life would have been very different had Rod not been in it. I
would probably have ended up working throughout my high-school experience,
so I couldn’t play football or baseball. I would not be going
to college, but would do physical labor and feel unhappy like many
in my family. My grandma says when my mom was in high school she
stayed in town as long as possible to hang out with her friends
and get into things she shouldn’t have. I might be that way
now if I hadn’t had Rod to set a different example and to
do things with and care about me.
 I
don’t want anybody feeling sorry for me, ‘cause I know
there are people out there who have it a lot worse than I do.
A lot worse. But before Rod, I could never count on anyone. When
Rod Pender became my Big Brother, things drastically changed. When
he told me he would do something, he really did it.
Rod and Karen had tried for a long time to have a baby, but couldn’t.
Rod became my Big Brother to get a feeling for what it would be
like to have a family. After a year, Jarod was born. But Rod never
turned his back on me. He and Karen kept me in their family, even
taking me on vacations with them. Now I’m not only a Little
Brother, but I have a little brother!
It makes me feel good to know there are people in this world I can
count on. He’s not the type of person that would
leave. Without Rod I would never have had that experience.
One day I want to become a Big Brother to someone. I would
want to wait until life is going in the right direction first, so
I can be there like Rod has been for me. I wouldn’t want to
all of a sudden have to stop and move somewhere else. Me and Rod’s
commitment, what we have, that’s gonna be for life. I want
to be able to do the same thing for another kid.
---
A time for sorrow
  A
few days after this story was written, and the photography shot,
we received word that Ben’s grandmother, Sharon Creger, died
unexpectedly.
Our writer, Nancy Schertzing, and our photographer, Jim Luning,
were both struck by the warm and affectionate relationship Ben and
Sharon shared. Sharon was very proud of Ben, and was happy he was
going to attend college. His high-school graduation was an event
she’d been anticipating with pride and pleasure.
Nancy and Jim, and all of us at FAITH, wish to thank Ben for sharing
his story with us.
We extend our deepest sympathy to him and his sister, Laci, at this
sorrowful time.
Kathye Herrera, of Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Lenawee County, told
us that Rod has offered to take Ben into his home. Rod’s son,
Jarod, when he learned of Sharon’s death, said, “Now
Ben can come and live with us all the time.”
Laci’s Big Sister has also offered her home to Laci.
We at FAITH look at the volunteers of Big Brothers/Big Sisters with
enormous
admiration, and we thank them for the gift they are to children
who need them.
---
 The
Big Brothers/Big Sisters program is about the matching of friends
– one adult to one child who needs companionship and encouragement.
Little Brothers and Little Sisters are children between the ages
of 6 and 16, most of whom live with a single parent. Little Brothers
and Little Sisters are:
46% less likely to start using drugs
27% less like to start drinking
52% less likely to skip a day of school
37% less likely to skip a class
33% less likely to hit someone
bald and beautiful
how Caitlin’s faith helps her deal with
alopecia
By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Tom Gennara
 When
Caitlin Riley arrives on the campus of Kalamazoo College to begin
her freshman year, she’s likely to be one new student who
gets noticed.
She’s smart, so her professors will certainly
notice her abilities and enjoy having Caitlin in class.
She’s athletic, so she’s likely to
be recruited for an intramural soccer team or a flag football squad.
She’s friendly, so the girls in her dorm
will appreciate her sense of humor, her willingness to listen and
her deep reservoir of understanding.
She’s beautiful, so the guys on campus are
sure to notice her sparkling smile and her expressive eyes.
Of course, those traits won’t be the first thing people will
notice about Caitlin. Ever since she stopped wearing a
wig, the first thing people notice is her baldness.
Yet, once they get past her unique appearance, the thing everyone
will discover is Caitlin’s amazing outlook on life.
Caitlin suffers from alopecia areata, an auto-immune disorder that
struck when she was only 12. Alopecia attacks the hair
follicles and can cause patchy hair loss or complete baldness. It
even can extend to the entire body. It can be temporary or permanent;
it can strike repeatedly if hair growth returns.
More than 5 million Americans suffer from alopecia, the cause of
which isn’t known. There is no cure, though researchers hope
to find therapies that may alleviate its symptoms.
In Caitlin’s case, alopecia struck by causing her hair to
fall out in patches. It began at a particularly difficult
time of life – seventh grade – a time when most girls
become a bit hair-obsessed. By her freshman year at Lansing Catholic
Central High School, Caitlin had lost enough hair to take the necessary
steps to receive a wig through the Locks of Love program.
Instead of the concerns that typically consume the thoughts of a
teenage girl, Caitlin was faced with finding a wig that would hide
her condition and make her look “normal.”
Caitlin turned to God when alopecia struck, but he didn’t
seem to answer. “At first I prayed that it would
stop,” she recalls. But God didn’t answer her prayers,
so Caitlin gave up. “After a while, I didn’t pray at
all.”
Caitlin blamed God for putting her through such a harrowing experience,
and she admits she held a grudge for a long time.
 At
the same time, Caitlin hid her baldness, difficult as this was.
“I played soccer so that was challenging,” she says.
“I didn’t really put myself out there on the field the
way I could have, because I was always worried about my wig moving
around or falling off.” Once, in a high-school soccer game,
the wig slipped back without her realizing how much of her head
it revealed. “No one said anything,” Caitlin says, “but
it was really embarrassing.”
Caitlin always wore her wig in public; at home with her parents,
Laura and Tom, she felt comfortable without it. “Only
a few of my closest friends knew I was bald, and I would sometimes
go without the wig if we were hanging around my house, but I never
went anywhere without wearing it.”
The wig hid her baldness, but it also hid her playfulness, her spontaneity
and her spirit. “I just didn’t feel like I was really
me,” she says of this time in her life.
A little more than a year ago, God seemed finally to answer Caitlin’s
prayers, though not in a way she had expected.
It all started in her junior year when Caitlin struck up a friendship
with Pamela Haan, the mother of one of Caitlin’s classmates.
Caitlin had seen Pam around school wearing a scarf or a
hat, seemingly unselfconscious about being bald. Wondering if they
had alopecia in common, Caitlin approached her, only to learn that
Pam’s baldness was caused by chemotherapy. But seeing Pam
at Ash Wednesday Mass stirred Caitlin and inspired her. She admired
the courage and peace she saw in Pam and decided it was time to
come to terms with alopecia.
In the summer of 2005, Caitlin attended a conference for alopecia
sufferers. “It was held out of state, but it turned
out that we were already traveling nearby to attend a wedding at
about the same time. It seemed a little too convenient that it all
worked out,” Caitlin says. “I think it was a ‘God
thing.’”
The conference, sponsored by the National Alopecia Areata Foundation,
found Caitlin
among hundreds of men, women and children who shared her condition
– many of whom comfortably displayed their baldness. “It
was amazing to be around all these people without wigs,” she
recalls.
Being among others with alopecia gave Caitlin the courage to take
her wig off, too. “It felt great! It was liberating,”
she says. After the first day of the conference, her wig stayed
in the hotel room while Caitlin explored the limits of her newfound
freedom. She even went swimming for the first time in more than
five years.
Finally, Caitlin felt like herself again. She made the decision
to stop wearing a wig. And that’s when God really took the
reins.
Facing the prospect of starting her senior year at Lansing Catholic
Central High School with a whole new persona, Caitlin decided to
share her story with the school community. She wrote a
letter to parents and students before the school year began to let
people know that her baldness was caused by a disease and that she
would be attending school without a wig. She didn’t want people
to wonder or worry about her, and she hoped to avoid any teasing
or taunts.
On the first day of the 2005-2006 academic year, Caitlin was the
featured speaker at the school’s opening assembly.
Standing alone and bald with more than 500 of her peers watching,
she told her story – a remarkable journey of faith and courage.
Her schoolmates responded with a long and tearful standing ovation.
What happened next was a senior year filled with surprises. Caitlin
says it was “surreal, amazing, awesome.”
 In
October, she was crowned homecoming queen with a lovely tiara atop
her lovely, hairless head. The next day, her smiling face
filled the front page of the Lansing State Journal, which carried
her photo along with a cover story about her brave response to alopecia.
In March, she sang and danced on stage in the high school musical
Anything Goes. She wore a wig for the show because it made sense
with the costume, but as soon as the performance was over, she took
it off.
She was accepted to Kalamazoo College and learned the tiny liberal
arts school already has a female student with alopecia, who also
eschews a wig in favor of her true appearance. “That has to
be a ‘God thing,’” Caitlin says. “It’s
a really small school to have two students with alopecia.”
Caitlin’s journey with alopecia forced her to take an unwelcome
spiritual journey, but one she’s glad she experienced. “I
still feel guilty that I stopped praying,” Caitlin admits.
Did she forgive God for what felt like unanswered prayers or for
letting her have alopecia in the first place? “It’s
not so much that I forgave him – that doesn’t feel like
the right word. It’s more that I finally let it all go. I
used to think it was his fault, but it’s not.”
By realizing that her friends and schoolmates accepted her so completely,
Caitlin finally learned to accept herself and the life God created
for her.
Like all college freshmen, Caitlin has big plans for the future.
She wants to major in psychology and minor in Spanish.
She wants to get married someday and have a family.
She envisions herself at her high school reunion 10 years from now.
“I might be able to have a major influence,” she says.
“I might be able to help a lot of people – maybe as
a motivational speaker.”
She says if she ever writes a book about this time in her life,
she could call it Letting Go: Accepting Yourself and God.
For Caitlin, another chapter has just begun.
---
Many people with alopecia do decide to wear a wig. Also,
many people who are bald due to chemotherapy wish to maintain their
usual appearance with hair. Locks of Love is an organization dedicated
to providing wigs to those who have lost their hair due to illness.
Locks of Love wigs are made with donor hair, mostly from children
who want to help others. Hair needs to be 10 inches long, in a braid
or ponytail. For more information, visit www.locksoflove.org.
life without his mother
how Matt Butler coped with his mom’s death
by Bob Horning | Photography
by Tom Gennara
 Now
almost 19, Matt Butler was 12 and in sixth grade when his mother
died. “It was like seeing the perfect family destroyed,”
he says. “Everything had been great up to that point. I was
devastated. I didn’t want to do anything. I basically took
a day at a time. It was as if she were just downstairs and would
come up any time. During that period, I had two dreams about her
– she was calling me from heaven, saying everything was going
to be all right.”
It happened after the 5 p.m. Mass at St. Robert Parish in Flushing,
on Dec. 20, 1999. When Matt and his family had finished
eating pizza, his parents and younger sister went out for a walk.
After going about 100 yards, his mom complained of light-headedness,
but she didn’t want to go back because she felt it was clearing
up. After another 100 yards, Jan Butler suddenly collapsed and stopped
breathing. Matt’s father, Lyndol Butler, did CPR before the
ambulance arrived.
The hospital’s cardiologist told Lyndol there wasn’t
much hope. Jan had gone too long without oxygen, especially since
they discovered that she had a previously undiagnosed, rare heart
condition. Jan lasted just long enough to see her children a final
time.
The time that followed was not easy. “Matt survived
with the support of the extended family, with everyone pulling together,”
Lyndol said.
For Lyndol, there was much questioning, feelings of abandonment
and loneliness. “Focusing on the kids (which included
Sam, nine, and Cathryn, six, at the time) got me through. Then for
a period of time it felt as if I was going crazy. I lost my faith,
my hope, and turned to alcohol. Now, thankfully, having gone through
so much, my faith is strengthened again. I am proud of the way Matt
never gave up on himself or on me.”
Nick Helmstetter, Matt’s best friend, was amazed how Matt
handled things. “He was forced to grow,” Nick says.
“When his father was going through tough times, Matt had to
cook and take his siblings where they needed to go. God helped him
a lot. I always felt like God took the place of his mother.”
Four years after his mother’s death, Matt was still carrying
much of the grief inside, according to Elaine Baur, the youth minister
at St. Robert’s. “He never felt he could grieve
with tears, and didn’t think his peers understood his loss.
He asked to share about it at our retreat. When he finished, there
wasn’t a dry eye. The other kids responded with hugs, love,
and support. And Matt told them to appreciate their parents because
you never know when they will go.”
Matt says he still wonders, almost seven years later, how different
he would be if his mother were alive. “And I can’t answer
the question of why it happened,” he says. “I can’t
see myself ever knowing why.
“But I’m a stronger person because of it. I can handle
situations better because now if something goes wrong, I know that
nothing can be as bad as my mother dying. I’m able to encourage
others going through difficulties, and tell them that things will
improve eventually.
“I feel I can lean on God when I need to because he is always
there. I remember especially praying a lot for my dad to get better.
It was sad to see him crying. And now he is better. I pray in bed
at night, reviewing the day, kind of like an examination of conscience.
I also ask for hugs for my mom, and from her.”
Matt is known for the five-minute videos he presents at the annual
retreat for his youth group. “He uses humor,”
Baur says, “but through it he gets serious concepts across
in a unique way that reaches a broad cross-section of the kids there.
“Matt brings a light-hearted element to the group. He is good
at making people feel comfortable.”
“ I love him like a brother,” said Helmstetter.
“He is the best friend I could have asked for. He suffered
through a time of tragedy and grief. He has grown up (for the most
part) without a mother. She wasn’t there to see him off to
school, to attend his athletic contests, or to hold him when a girl
broke his heart. He sacrificed much of his childhood and adolescence
for those around him – his family, our parish and the community
as a whole. His loss was our gain. He’s always looking out
for others. He seems to know how you feel even if you don’t
tell him.”
---
a mother’s love
Father Cecilio talks about the loss
of the most important woman in his life
 A
priest’s relationship with his mother can be quite close.
Not having a wife, a priest’s mother may become for him the
“woman” in his life. This was the case with me. My mother
died on Feb.13, 2006, exactly one year after she came to live in
the rectory with me. The bond my mother and I had took on a unique
dynamic when I began to clean her blood. A parishioner and I were
trained three times a week for 12 weeks on how to purify her blood
through a process called hemodialysis. Having this procedure done
at home is relatively new. The majority of patients have to go to
a clinic or to a hospital for this procedure. My mother’s
first treatment was on Valentine’s Day, 2005. Each treatment
was a five-hour commitment three times a week.
The process is complicated and detailed; I made an error on one
occasion that forced me to throw out 48 ounces of my mother’s
blood. While my mother was fine, the experience had a profound
impact on me. It felt like a part of my soul had been crushed.
Living with my mother – cooking for her, feeding her, cleaning
her and purifying her blood strengthened the strong bond we already
shared with each other. She was truly the “woman”
of my life, the one who once cleaned me and looked after me when
I was ill. Having never abandoned me in my hour of need, I was not
about to abandon her in her time of need. Our Catholic faith teaches
us that the bonds of affection we form with those we love do not
end in death. Our relationship simply enters a new phase. It was
similar to leaving home for the first time. I had to let go of the
past while embracing the “new” relationship that emerged
as a result of being on my own. When my mother died, I had to once
again let go of the past while embracing the “new” relationship
that emerged as a result of her new life with God and all the  saints
in heaven. My mother’s greatest lesson was teaching us how
to pray for God’s will. She never prayed that her son would
become a priest, nor was it her desire. Her only prayer was that
God’s will would be completed. Mom, I thank you for your love.
I love you and pray for that day when we will be reunited once again.
– Fr. Cecilio Reyna
---
 Rainbows
is a program to help children dealing with devastating loss –
usually a parent’s death or divorce. Rainbows is
offered in many Catholic parishes or through Catholic Charities
agencies. Through Rainbows, children learn to grieve and understand
they are not alone. For more information, contact your Catholic
Charities agency, or visit www.rainbows.org.
Bethany House changed my life
how Joe Gordon’s faith grew through youth
retreats
Margaret Ann Cross | Photography by Christine Jones
 Joe
Gordon, a sophomore at Eastern Michigan University, has been attending
retreats at Bethany House since it opened in 2001. The facility,
located on the grounds of the St. Francis Retreat Center in DeWitt,
is dedicated to facilitating the spiritual growth of young Catholics.
Here is Joe’s description of how that mission has played out
in his own life.
My youth group at St. Andrew Catholic Church in Saline was
one of the first groups to visit Bethany House. I was a
freshman in high school, and for the theme of our retreat, we had
Ephesians 1:9-10 printed on black T-shirts, with a drawing of a
hand reaching down from the clouds holding a clock. “He has
made known to us the mystery of his will, according to his good
pleasure that he set forth in Christ, as a plan for the fullness
of time, to gather up all things in him, things in heaven and things
on earth.”
For me, that Scripture has been true. I have grown in my
faith, but it has taken time.
When I went to Bethany House for that first experience, I was with
a large, rowdy group of freshman, and we went crazy, running around
the hallways and going from one room to another. It wasn’t
the most spiritual retreat, but looking back, it was about fellowship.
Because of it, I got more involved with my youth group at church.
I made friends, and my friends kept me in it from the beginning.
I had always gone to church with my family, but I had been indifferent
toward it for a long time. I didn’t get the purpose of it.
It began to become more real, though, as life went on.
After I was confirmed, I started with working with younger kids
who were going through the confirmation program. It was
the first time I became active in my faith. When I started teaching
the faith, I really began to understand things more. Still, on my
sophomore retreat at Bethany House, I was distracted. My girlfriend
and I were holding hands and cuddling during talks. It was probably
just obnoxious.
 Bethany
House has watched me grow and helped shape my faith. I
have taken many Rosary walks through the grounds, looking at the
statues and praying. And I have often been called to go to the eucharistic
chapel to just sit, relax and talk with God. It’s nice and
peaceful.
It’s been great to get to know the priests who come to Bethany
House. Quite a few retired priests live on the grounds
and are often there to celebrate the sacrament of reconciliation.
After confession, they stay and eat meals with us.
We’ve even had priests like Father Jerry Vincke play football
with us. They are all down-to-earth, and it makes the vocation
seem less foreign. Some of my friends from high school and college
are going to become priests.
Now that I am in college, I am still leading
and attending retreats at Bethany House. Showing kids Christ,
you see Christ in them. And then letting other people show you Christ,
you see Christ in yourself.
The first retreat with my college parish seemed odd. In
high school, we always decorated, we always had a theme, and we
always did things in a specific way. St. Andrew’s is trying
to get kids excited about their faith, so it tends to be more of
a “Hoo-rah! Let’s get rowdy and go for Christ.”
But Holy Trinity does things a lot more quietly. We did
a lot of thinking and reflecting and writing in our journals. But
it was great. I realized that I had put God in the box of St. Andrew
Parish, but you can’t confine him. He can work in whatever
way he chooses to. The retreat opened my mind to everything that
was going to happen this year. It gave me more of an ability to
experience God.
 I
tell people that when they are on retreat, they should just expect
to experience God in some way. Being on retreat is being
away from the world for a weekend. But you have to try to build
a bridge from your experience at the retreat house to the real world,
because your relationship with God goes much further than any building.
I have been thinking about all of this and putting together an opening
talk for the next retreat I am going to help lead if things go as
planned. I’m a film major, so I have also made a
video to open the talk. It’s set to a rock song and takes
a look at secular views about religion. I want to convey that our
relationship with God shouldn’t be viewed as a chore or a
set of rules.
We should just be seeking him.
---
Bethany House is celebrating its fifth anniversary! The
spiritual life center for the Diocese of Lansing was built for the
new millennium through the generosity of the people of the diocese
and the Knights of Columbus. It is situated on the grounds of St.
Francis Retreat Center in DeWitt, which is also celebrating an anniversary
this year – its 50th.
Bethany House’s original director was Father Jerry Vincke;
it is now guided by Father James Conlon. Father James leads pre-packaged
confirmation retreats; parish directors of religious education and
coordinators of youth ministry may also plan and direct their own.
• 10,500 students have spent weekend retreats at Bethany
House.
• 7,000 students have attended day-long retreats/days of prayer.
• 52 double-occupancy rooms are available.
• 95 acres of beautiful grounds surround both retreat centers.
|
