Home from war.
Matt's life will never be the same.
By Marybeth Hicks | Photography by Jim Luning
Sergeant Matt Falk is a quiet man. His words are few and deliberate. His delivery is measured; his responses reserved. So
it comes as no surprise that he doesn’t say much about his service in
Iraq. But, like the saying goes, “Still water runs deep.”
“I can’t
really talk about what I’ve seen,” Matt says. “There’s no way to
express it.” Instead, the 23-year-old Michigan Army National Guard
veteran keeps his experiences to himself while he sorts out what war
has taught him and how it has changed him.
Matt joined the Army National Guard while still a high-school senior in 2002.
Following graduation, he headed to basic training and then went to Big
Rapids where he enrolled at Ferris State University. Like all Guard
units in post-9/11 mode, Matt’s Jackson-based unit continued to train
one weekend per month and for two weeks each year while waiting for the
inevitable call to active duty.
Other than his
regular training for the Guard, Matt enjoyed the typical life of a
young adult – school, work and hanging out with family and friends.
At a party in the summer of 2005, mutual friends introduced Matt to a pretty, single mother named Chrystal.
Soon, Matt’s young single life evolved into a committed relationship
with Chrystal and her two children. In February 2006, the two were
married at St. Joseph Shrine Church in Brooklyn, Matt’s home parish,
where the couple had become active parishioners and where Chrystal had
joined the Catholic Church through the RCIA.
While Matt continued as a student at Ferris, he and Chrystal were
working through the difficulties of a weekend marriage. He was
adjusting to life as husband to Chrystal and step-father to Christian,
then 4, and Allison, 3, when the inevitable finally occurred. Duty
called.
In June 2006, Matt’s unit was activated, destined
for COB (Contingency Operating Base) Speicher near Tikrit, Iraq, an
American base named for the 1991 Gulf War Coalition forces’ only
air-to-air casualty, Navy Cmdr. Michael Scott Speicher. Matt’s
assignment: mechanic and wrecker driver, following last in convoys
behind his fellow members of 1461st Transportation Company/Heavy
Equipment Transportation (CBT HET).
Like most Army National Guard members,
Matt’s philosophy about serving his country is simple and
straightforward: He joined to do a job. Yet Matt’s quiet nature lends
itself to introspection, while the war itself has caused all soldiers
to consider what matters most to them.
Matt learned what matters most is family.
“I didn’t pray for myself,” he says, “but I prayed for Chrystal and the kids.
I worried about how she would handle everything. I knew she would be
OK, but it bothered me that I didn’t have any control over things.”
Chrystal, 24, also found herself only able to pray for her new spouse,
not herself. “I just prayed for him,” she says. Along with Chrystal,
the entire faith community of St. Joseph Shrine prayed for Matt’s safe
return home.
“It meant a lot to me to know the parish was praying for me,” he says. “That was a big deal.”
In a war many have decried as “God-forsaken,” Matt felt God’s presence
each day while serving in Iraq. “Being there changed my opinions,
changed my view of things,” he says. “I learned not to take my family
for granted and I hope I’ll be more expressive with them now.” For a
quiet man, this is a spiritual challenge, indeed.
Matt felt God’s protection in Iraq, as well. “We joked that God made it
so the insurgents couldn’t shoot straight,” Matt laughs. On one
occasion, Matt’s wrecker wasn’t in its usual place at the end of a
convoy; coincidentally, the vehicle at the back was hit with enemy
fire. No one was injured, though the wrecker may not have fared as well
as the armored gun truck in Matt’s rearview mirror.
During his 14 months in Iraq, Matt’s unit lost one member. “It happened when we were getting close to coming home,” Matt says. “It was hard. It changed the way I looked at things.”
Matt never felt that God deserted him in Iraq, though the things he saw
confounded him. “What’s going on is nothing like what you see on TV,”
Matt says. “There is so much to do – there is so much that’s wrong –
but many people don’t want help. Maybe they don’t want to change. I try
not to watch [the news coverage on] TV,” he says. “I don’t need to see
it.”
The Iraqi people helped Matt to feel he was doing God’s work.
“The local people were really nice – really supportive,” he says. “We
helped them with supplies and humanitarian aid.” In this way, Matt
gained a sense of being a part of a positive mission.
Mostly, though, Matt felt God’s presence in the constant support of his
family, including his parents and younger sister. “I got so many
packages it felt like Christmas every day,” he smiles. Technology also
gave Matt the chance to be a part of holidays and special events back
home. “We used a Web cam and I was able to watch the kids open
Christmas presents and find Easter eggs,” he recalls. “In a way, it
made it harder because I could see what I was missing, but it was
really nice to still be a part of it in a way.”
In August, after only two weeks back home, Matt was enjoying time to
relax and regroup. His Guard unit was on leave through the end of the
year, and Matt was considering what to do next. One decision he quickly
made was to re-enlist for another three-year commitment, even though
it’s possible he will again be put on active duty. “I’m not worried
about being called up again,” he says. “I would know what to expect.”
For now, the Falks are resuming the process of adjusting to married life.
As for most couples, this means altering the way decisions are made and
responsibilities are handled in the home. “I was used to doing things
my own way while he was in Iraq and I’m really self-reliant anyway,”
Chrystal says. Learning to again share decisions is just one aspect of
re-entry for veterans that the Falks encountered. Another area that
presents a challenge is in communicating about each person’s
experiences during the separation.
“There’s no
way she can understand what went on or what I went through,” Matt says.
“You can’t explain it. I can talk to the guys in my unit who I’m close
to, but not to Chrystal.”
During Matt’s absence,
Chrystal also went through a tough time with the passing of a beloved
grandmother. “It was hard to go through that without him, but we did
the best we could.”
Army National Guard
veterans’ counselors advised Chrystal and the rest of Matt’s family to
let him talk about what he wants to share, but not to press him to
discuss his time in active duty. “It’s hard because I want to know all
about what he went through, but I can understand that there’s no way to
really know unless you were there,” Chrystal says.
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When it's hard to come home
Many
service personnel return home to find that things have changed. Their
spouses have had to run households and have doubled up on parenting
responsibilities. Sometimes, it’s hard to know where to fit in and how
to make the transition to civilian life. Visit the Michigan Department
of Military and Veterans Affairs for information about how to handle
this change – and to find out where to get help if you need it. They
are on the Web at www.michigan.gov/dmva.
What do I know?
Why Mike came back to the Catholic Church
By Eileen Gianodis
Generally
speaking, Mike Lamberjack, 37, needs proof. As a corporate auditor for
the Internal Revenue Service, proof is part of his life. That’s why it
comes as no surprise that he’s done extensive research on Catholic
apologetics and his Catholic faith.
But that wasn’t always the case. In fact, six years ago, Mike and his
family left the Catholic Church because “we weren’t really getting
anything out of it. We would use almost any excuse in the book not to
go to church.”
The Lamberjack family found something they were looking for when they attended an evangelical church.
“There was great music, great preaching, they really spoke to us,” he
said. During this time, Mike and his family found that they learned
more about the Bible, met great Christian people and strengthened their
faith.
Something was still missing though.
After his father unexpectedly died a year ago, Mike and his family regularly accompanied his mother to weekly Mass.
“We began to sense God’s presence more strongly than ever before at
Mass,” he said. “So we went to work learning more about the claims of
Catholicism. I never learned them growing up and I needed to know:
What’s the proof?”
After several months of extensive reading and research, Mike and his
wife, Tracy, returned to the Catholic Church. They chose St. Mary
Magdalen Parish because of a Welcome Home Sunday sign they saw.
“I just thought it was great that a church was reaching out, that’s
what we wanted to be a part of,” he said. “It was the best of both
worlds: fellowship and the Eucharist.”
What would you have liked to have told a younger you? Before you do anything, research the claims of the Catholic Church. All the claims of the church are backed up in the Bible.
What is the best part of being Catholic? Why? The Eucharist is definitely the best part of being Catholic because nowhere else can you truly receive Jesus’ body and blood.
When have you felt the presence of God the most? When my dad passed away and my family pulled together. We felt God’s presence and love during that time.
What was it like after you lost something important to you?
After my dad died, it was hard. It still is, but I can see how God
strengthens us every day through his words and the sacraments.
What is the most interesting thing that you have learned about people?
I’ve learned that God puts different people in our lives at different
stages. On our walk back to the church, we met lots of ‘on-fire’
Catholics. Now, I’m meeting people with whom I can share my faith story.
What is the one thing you want someone to know about the Catholic faith? Everything about our faith is real. It’s backed up and true.
What is the one thing you want someone to know about Jesus? Jesus desires a personal relationship with every one of us. It’s up to us to open the door and invite him into our lives.
What has been your biggest joy?
Coming back to the Catholic Church has been our biggest joy. Before we
left the church, we were Catholic. Now that we’re back, we’re
passionately Catholic.
What is the best thing your parents did for you on your faith journey?
My parents weren’t especially happy about us leaving the Catholic
Church, but they were always supportive of our walk with God whether we
were Protestant or Catholic. Also, I’m sure all the rosaries my mom
said for us didn’t hurt either.
What question should you ask yourself every day? Am I doing God’s will?
What do you hope God says to you when you reach heaven? I hope that God says, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
What is it about Jesus that you most want to imitate? I’d really like to be able to imitate his forgiveness.
When have you felt the presence of God the least? In college.
after my abortion, I will never be the same
how Rachel's Vineyard helped me heal
By Nancy Schertzing | Photography by Tom Gennara
Kristen Goldsmith has lived a hard life in just 21 years.
Since attending a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, she found peace and the
strength to share the story of her abortion and its aftermath. She has
testified before the Michigan Senate, appeared in Teen People magazine
and spoken publicly and privately to encourage women to consider
alternatives to abortion when faced with unwanted pregnancies. Kristen
generously shares her story with FAITH:
I
was a 17-year-old high-school drop-out, living with my boyfriend’s
family to escape what I found as a toxic environment at my parent’s
home. Drinking about a fifth of vodka and popping Vicodin all
day, I didn’t notice that I hadn’t had a period in a couple of months.
My boyfriend took me to Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test.
I had never been as scared as when the nurse came in and told me I was pregnant.
I went and got my boyfriend, Kevin*, from the waiting room and brought
him in. As soon as I sat on his lap and started crying, he knew. I
struggled with the words, but finally got them out, “I’m pregnant.” The
very first thing that came out of Kevin’s mouth was that I was having
an abortion.
After four days of thinking about being pregnant, I decided that I wanted to keep my baby,
but Kevin had different plans for me. He grabbed me by the shoulders
and yelled: “You’re having an abortion, Kristen! I refuse to help you
in any way and you won’t have anywhere to go, because you’re not living
with me! I don’t want a kid!!”
My parents had always told me if I got pregnant they would never speak to me again.
So I never thought I could tell my parents about the pregnancy, let
alone ask their permission for an abortion. The next day, Kevin took me
to an attorney. Less than a week later, I was in front of a judge. He
granted me a judicial bypass and Kevin made an appointment for the
abortion that Saturday.
To this
day, I remember what I was wearing, what the building looked like
inside and out, and even how the chairs were set up in the waiting room.
After I signed in, I sat in a chair staring at the wall, holding my
belly, trying to talk myself into running out of the building ... but
that thought was interrupted by the nurse saying she was ready for me.
They did blood work, an ultrasound (which they wouldn’t let me see),
and gave me a Valium. Then they had another woman and me go into a room
where the “counseling” took place. What a joke! The counseling was just
prepping us for the procedure and how to take care of ourselves
afterward. They put all of us in a room and one by one called each out
to have the procedure done.
I have never felt so much pain in my life, and thought that the noise was almost unbearable.
When it was finally over, I went to the recovery room and saw a couple
of the girls, who were crying. I told myself to keep my composure. The
minute I walked out of the clinic and into Kevin’s car, I fell apart.
How could I have just done that!? The only support Kevin gave me was
some Vicodin and telling me to sleep. When I woke up, the emotional
pain hit me like a semi-truck.
The next couple of years were filled with self-hatred and moving between Kevin’s and my parents’ homes. I
sank into depression and began cutting myself and doing more drugs.
Eventually, Kevin and I got an apartment and did hard drugs all day
long. After a while, he began having affairs – so I left and moved back
in with my parents until I could get help and a place of my own.
Through it all, my aunt was there for me.
She saw how much I was hurting and nursed me back to emotional health,
even letting me move in with her. She is my strong spiritual supporter
and the one who found Rachel’s Vineyard for me.
The Rachel’s Vineyard retreat was an extraordinary experience.
We really dug deep to get at the hatred and anger. We worked through
Scriptures and exercises to come to peace within ourselves. I don’t
know how to explain it, but during the second day of the retreat, I
really knew for the first time that God had forgiven me for having an
abortion. And I understood I needed to forgive myself, too.
Though
we’re not together anymore, and he has changed a lot, Kevin came to the
closing liturgy of the retreat. He read a poem he had written to our
child, and he cried through the whole ceremony.
I know I will never be the same, but by the grace of God, I found healing. Rachel’s
Vineyard changed my life! I still do think a part of me died the day I
had an abortion, but another part of me was born at Rachel’s Vineyard.
I know my child now as Kristopher Daniel, thanks to the retreat. I know
he is in Christ’s arms, waiting to meet me; and I have learned how to
use this for the good.
Now I want women and men to know there are consequences to having an abortion.
When a woman goes into a clinic, they don’t tell her she has a choice
of keeping the baby or giving it up for adoption. They don’t tell her
there may be long-term emotional consequences.
Obviously, there are a lot of different factors of why I had the abortion.
I was scared of being pregnant, afraid I’d be homeless and thought I
had no one to turn to. I believed I had no choice and that the abortion
would end my problem. But it didn’t.
Still, I believe everything happens for a reason.
Every negative thing that has happened in my life has made me a
stronger person. I believe the abortion has given me my calling – to
help other women. Now I am always looking for opportunities to get my
voice out when it comes to abortion.
Today, at 21, I’m clean and sober.
I won’t have sex now until I get married. I understand some people may
judge me negatively, but I don’t care what they think. I’ve learned
that if someone wants to judge me, like the Gospel story of the woman
caught in adultery, I know they’ve sinned too. They can’t cast the
first stone.
I will keep telling my story. And as long as what I have to say gets through to one person, I will have fulfilled my calling.
---
Project Rachel – Healing for those affected by abortion
Project
Rachel is the Catholic Church’s healing ministry to those who’ve been
involved in abortion. It operates a network of professional counselors
and priests trained to provide counseling to women and men suffering
because of an abortion.
In the Diocese of Lansing, Project Rachel
also offers a retreat experience called Rachel’s Vineyard. This
intensive weekend retreat leads post-abortive women and men through
scripturally based exercises that work participants through their
shame, anger and grief, to connection with the child they never knew
and onto forgiveness, acceptance and peace. Therapy for the soul,
Rachel’s Vineyard restores lives and hope in an ecumenical,
non-judgmental, supportive environment.
For more information about this powerful retreat experience, go to www.rachelsvineyard.org, or contact Beth Bauer, Rachel’s Vineyard coordinator, at 734.449.8913.
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cathedral cookies for Christmas 
windows of peace
Michelle Sessions DiFranco | Photography by Phillip
Shippert
I’ll
never forget that first day of being away from home when I went to
college. I remember fighting back tears when my folks drove off after a
day of helping me move into my campus apartment. I tried to
shake it off and get excited about the semesters that were ahead at the
fine-arts school I had worked so hard to get into, but my heart sank
even more when I caught a glimpse of the Detroit “neighborhood”
surrounding the campus. I cringed at all the vacant homes with broken
windows and trash littering the yards. My parents weren’t even gone
five minutes, and I was already homesick.
In the coming days, I started to acclimate to my new surroundings.
I met a few classmates and found contentment with class projects and
decorating my studio apartment. But what truly brought me a pure and
complete sense of peace was something far beyond the distractions of
interior decorating, homework and socializing. It was the peace I felt
when I went to Mass just a few blocks from campus. There, in the
darkest corridors of the inner city, stood a very large, old cathedral
that wasn’t in the best shape on the outside. But inside, people who
knew, believed and prayed the same parts of the Mass exactly as I knew
them surrounded me. And I was listening to the same Gospel and
receiving the same Eucharist as my family back home. I truly felt in
communion with them.
I once heard the
Catholic apologist Pat Madrid say that the way people see the church
can be likened to the stained glass windows that adorn the church
buildings. From the outside, they appear dark, mysterious and
non-vibrant. But inside the church, the windows glow, illuminating
everything and depicting messages of hope, love and – for me – peace.
On that day, I was so glad to be inside that church. My homesickness
was gone.
Do you know of someone who is away at college or even serving our country overseas? Give
her a message of hope, love and peace, and something to remind her of
home. Send her a dozen or more of these cathedral window cookies. While
they are perfect for Christmas, they are also a great reminder that
wherever you are in the world, you will always feel at home in the
Catholic Church.
- Cathedral Window Cookies
Ingredients:
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup shortening
1/2 cup softened butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 ½ cups flour, sifted
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 package of hard candy, finely crushed.
Church cookie cutter (can be purchased online)
---
Directions
Cream the sugar, shortening, vanilla and eggs in a large bowl for one
minute. Gradually stir in the flour, baking powder and salt. Cover and
refrigerate dough for an hour.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Cover
cookie sheets with aluminum foil or parchment and set aside. Roll dough
to 1/8” (thinner than a typical recipe) on a lightly floured and cool
surface. Working quickly, so dough doesn’t reach room temperature, cut
out as many cookies as possible. With cookie shapes still in position,
cut out small circles or rectangles for the “stained glass” in the
center of each cookie. Carefully place cookies on aluminum foil-covered
(or parchment) cookie sheet. Fill the small circles and/or rectangles
with crushed candy until it touches the edges.
Bake for 7-9 minutes, or until edges of cookies are slightly brown and
candy is melted. If candy has not spread within the cutout design,
immediately spread with a metal knife or spatula. Cool completely on
cookie sheet and gently remove with a spatula.
More Ideas:
• Design your own church or cathedral! Easy instructions for making
your own cookie cutters can be found online. Using a search engine,
type in “making your own cookie cutters.”
• Make them in just minutes using store-bought sugar cookie dough (don’t forget to roll out dough to 1/8”).
